Explorations
by poetrygrrl39
Summary: Five years after the end of Sunnydale, the Scoobies are scattered to the winds. What happens when Buffy, Xander and Willow meet again? Eventually a BuffyXander shipper. Rating changed to T. Epilogue added!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer and it's 'verse belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm just taking the characters out to play.

Giles reached for his tea cup and scowled when his hand trembled against the china, rattling the cup in the saucer.

"Damn it," he swore quietly to himself.

Being knocked out and concussed what seemed like a millions times was taking a toll. He was happy that his mental capacity still remained sharp, but for how long, he wondered. His memory was already fading bit by bit.

He had managed to keep his condition a secret, with the help of Olivia, for a long time. But when his speech unexpectedly started to slur, he was forced to admit to Buffy and Willow that he was in the early stages of Parkinson's. They had bawled and wailed and blamed themselves for not protecting him better all those years ago in Sunnydale, until Olivia had told them in no uncertain terms that Giles was fine.

He grinned Ripperishly to himself when he remembered the girls' blushes at his wife's rather graphic explanation of just how fine he was.

Now, a year later, and five years after Sunnydale had sunk into the collapsed Hellmouth, he was struggling with a tea cup. The grin faded.

He looked across his dimly lit study at the photo of the four of them, Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles, all beaming at the camera in the bright California sunlight. He tried to remember which diverted Apocalypse it had been after, or even who had taken the picture. He sighed. Probably didn't matter.

He knew it wasn't the memory problems or the Parkinson's that made him feel that those three children were **his**. He had been Buffy's Watcher for so long, had seen her and the Scoobies turn into adults. Truly, he felt like their father most of the time. And he had been there more often than any of their fathers.

Looking at Buffy's smile in the photo, he frowned to himself. She was so sad, so much of the time, now. The beautiful golden Slayer had turned into a lovely woman, and he was incredibly proud of her. But her eyes were shadowed and tired. She worked at the Slayer's Academy, raised her sister…and was lonely, he thought. Her friends scattered to the winds. Dawn and Giles were all she had left. And even Dawn was gone now, off to college at Oxford.

He had heard from Dawn that Spike and Angel had appeared on the doorstep of the girls' London home late one night, beaten, bloodied and "stinking of whiskey," according to the younger Summers. They had demanded that Buffy choose one of them. They had gone through Hell in L.A., they deserved to have the battle for her heart put to rest.

Dawn had laughed when she described Buffy looking from one staggering vampire to the other, kissing each one on the forehead, then telling them to leave. "They never even got invited in," Dawn said, chuckling. "She talked to them on the doorstep."

Giles felt sorry for the two vampires, and had sternly chastised Dawn for laughing, but he was glad that Buffy had not chosen to be with either of them. She deserved someone alive. She deserved to **be** alive, not trapped in the stuffy old Academy trying to teach new Slayers and Watchers.

The phone rang. Giles took a deep breath and scooped up the receiver with little trembling.

"Yes?" he asked. He frowned at the slurring 's'.

"Giles, I know it's hard to talk sometimes, so just listen, okay?" said a familiar breathless voice on the other end.

So he did. And he found himself smiling again.

"It's a bloody brilliant idea," he said, slurring a bit on the 's' again. "Call her right now."

He hung up the phone, and smiled across the room at Buffy's picture.

Maybe this would bring the girl he considered his daughter back to life.


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy Summers was tired.

She was also smelly, she thought wryly, letting herself into her London home. Sparring with the new Slayers had left her soaked in sweat and reeking. She had declined to use the showers at the Academy, which reminded her violently of high school gym, and had walked the couple of miles home still in her workout clothes.

The house was silent, empty. With Dawn away at college, Giles at home with Olivia, and the Scoobies elsewhere, she was alone. She shook her head. She hated herself in pity mode, but between the seemingly constant rain, the "picturesque" London fog and the empty house, pity mode was becoming a way of life.

Stripping down to her sports bra and panties on her way up the stairs to her bathroom, she noticed the light on her answering machine blinking. She sighed, reversed her steps and pressed the button.

"Buffy, hey, long time no talk," came Xander's voice. Her stomach jumped. "Hey, here's the thing, Willow's out here in Africa with me, and we want you to come too. Just us three. A Scoobie safari, you know?"

She heard the muffled tones of Willow's voice interrupting him.

"I know, Will, I'm getting to that. Willow talked with Giles. He's all in favor of you coming out here. So get yourself a plane ticket, Buffster, and get out here. Call me back on my cell."

Click.

Buffy pressed the button again, listening once more to Xander's deep voice, feeling the jump in her stomach again. She tried to be pissed that Willow had called Giles before calling her, but she couldn't.

Just the Scoobies, huh? She smiled to herself. It had been over a year since she saw Xander, and Willow had left on her little round-the-world Slayer hunt two or three months ago.

She'd call Xander right now. Her stomach clenched with nervousness, and she wondered why. Why the jumpiness, why the nervous?

It was just Xander, after all.

She reached for the phone, then smelled herself.

"After that shower," she laughed, heading upstairs.

An hour later, showered, dressed and smelling like lavender rather than sweat, she was on the phone. She had already booked the plane tickets on-line, smiling all the while. Willow answered, and Buffy was surprised at her disappointment to not be talking with Xander.

"Buffy!" Willow squealed. "Are you coming? Please say you're coming! It's great here. There's sun and wild animals and you know most demons don't like the sun so it's pretty quiet and Xander has this huge apartment, which I think the Council has been paying for so it's good they don't know about it, isn't it?..."

"Will!" Buffy yelled to interrupt her Willow-like babble.

"What?"

"I'm coming!"

"Xander, she's coming! She's coming!"

"Give me the phone, Will," she heard Xander say. Her stomach did the little jump again. And she felt herself flushing.

"Buffy, you're coming?" Xander asked. Buffy took a second to analyze his voice. It was deeper, not as happy-go-lucky as it once was. But it was still Xander. Why the Hell was she reacting like this?

"Buffy?"

"Sorry, Xander, spazzed out for a minute," she said. "Get a pen and I'll give you the details."

She rattled off her flight plans, grinning inanely at the thought of being with Willow and Xander again.

"I can't wait to see you again, Buffy," Xander said before they hung up. "It's been way too long."

"You're right, it has," she said.

"We love you, Buff. See you soon."

"I love you too," she said. There was a silent pause, a click, then the dial tone. "You GUYS too!" she shrieked into the disconnected handset. "Oh, shit. I love you GUYS too." She put her head down on the table.


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy's taxi took a detour to Giles' house on the way to the airport. She couldn't go off for a couple of weeks without saying good-bye to her Watcher. One part of her wished he could come with, the other part was glad that she would have Willow and Xander all to herself. Although, if she was being completely honest with herself, she was more interested in having Xander all to herself.

"Stop it, Buffy," she told herself firmly. "Enough of that. This is **Xander** we're talking about."

"You okay, miss?" asked the taxi driver.

"Yeah, five-by-five," she said. She smirked when he looked confused. Faith might be gone, but her catchphrase lived on.

"Give me 15 minutes," she said, when they pulled up in front of the house.

The taxi driver shrugged. He was happy to sit here in this nice circle drive and take a nap on her money.

"Ah, Buffy, Giles is expecting you," Olivia said when she opened the door. "He's in the study." The two women shared a smile. Where **else** would the Watcher be?

Buffy knew the way to the book-lined room, had spent plenty of hours in it after they escaped from Sunnydale, but she followed Olivia dutifully. It was her house, after all. Olivia left her at the door.

"He's good today. But when he gets tired or upset, it gets worse," Olivia whispered to her.

"Thanks," Buffy whispered back. "I won't keep him long. And I won't upset him. Happy Buffy only."

She drew a deep breath, then burst into the room with Buffy-like energy. "Giles!" she cried out, smiling at her old Watcher and hugging him.

"Buffy," he said slowly. He smiled at her and returned the hug. Buffy felt his hands shaking against her back and once again cursed this disease that was eating away at the once strong man.

"I had to come see you before I jet off to Africa to Willow and Xander," she said, dropping onto the couch.

He frowned at her outfit.

"What, you don't like my flying outfit?" she looked down at her sweatpants and sweatshirt. "Don't worry, Giles, I have a nice dressy dress packed in my carryon. I'll change before we land and look all nice and ladylike when Xander meets me at the airport. Make-up even."

"Willow's not there?" he asked.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. She blushed. "I meant when Xander **and Willow** meet me at the airport, of course."

The Watcher eyed her shrewdly. He might be sick, he might be getting older, but he was by no means a fool.

"So have you even been to Africa?" she babbled onward. "Willow says it's too sunny for demons, and Xander seems to really like it. He's been out there forever now and…"

She stopped because Giles had pointed a shaking finger at her and raised his eyebrows. "What's going on, Buffy?" he said. His voice slurred and he made a face at his weakness. "Tell me. Is something wrong out there?"

"No, no! Everything is fine, or it was when I spoke to them yesterday. It's…it's just…" she sighed, put her head in her hands. She heard Giles cross the room and sit down next to her, hand patting her back.

"Giles, I think I'm having feelings for Xander," she said. She peeked at him and was shocked when he grinned at her.

"Good," he said firmly. She stared at him.

"What?" She couldn't believe this.

"Buffy, Dawn told me about Spike and Angel," he said.

"That little brat," Buffy swore.

"That's not the point." His voice trembled, even as he kept up the smile. "I was so proud of you, for not choosing one of them. Xander has been your friend for more than a decade. He's a good man. You deserve a good man."

"You never even liked Xander!" she exploded, jumping to her feet.

He raised his eyebrows again. "That's not true. Xander and I differed on a lot of things. And I **hate** being called G-man. But he is a good man."

Buffy giggled to hear "G-man" from Giles' lips, then sobered quickly.

"I don't know if he would feel the same way," she said. "I shut him down pretty quickly a long time ago. And there was Anya."

"Well, you're not going to find out sitting here with an old man, now are you?"

Buffy threw her arms around his neck and hugged him so hard he thought he was going to choke. "You are not an old man!" she whispered fiercely. "You are my Watcher and my friend."

"Oxygen, Buffy," he managed.

"Oh, sorry." She released him.

"Go to Africa, Buffy. Go and see him. You won't know if you don't try," he chuckled dryly. "I don't know that anyone could resist you."

She smiled at him. His voice might be weak, his hands trembling, but he was still Giles, still her beloved Watcher.

"I wish I had known you when you were younger," she teased. "We'd see resisting then."

"Yes, well, I'm sure you were a lovely toddler, but that's hardly the point, now is it?"

"That's not…" she caught the twinkle in his eye. "I'm going, I'm going. I'll call you soon."

Giles watched her leave with a smile on his face. Lucky Xander, he thought, as she closed the door behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Buffy didn't know whether to laugh or cry when her flight finally landed. The stupid plane had bounced and rolled like it was drunk most of the way. The guy beside her had been airsick, although he had been polite enough to throw up in the handy little bag, rather than on her. And her post-flying outfit had been wrinkled beyond belief when her bag was stuffed under the seat in front of her.

She had managed to smear on some make-up in the teensy little bathroom mirror and had put the sundress on anyway, smoothing out the wrinkles with both hands while squished into the airplane bathroom. She left her hair secured in a ponytail. The Hell she was going to style it in here, she thought to herself.

When she finally shuffled off the plane and through customs, her riffled bag hanging over her shoulder, she glanced around wildly. Times like this it was a pain being short, she thought, standing on tiptoes. One minute, she was looking at backs, the next she was swung up in a pair of strong arms.

"You're here!" she heard Xander yell, hugging her. Willow tackled her from the other side and they all clung to each other until the clearing of throats reminded them of the people behind them. Xander took her bag before she could protest and led the way to a clearer area, his arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him. Thinner, tanner, his hair rakishly long. She felt a click in her solar plexus and heat between her legs that had nothing to do with the African sun beating down outside.

She wanted him. He looked at her and smiled, that half-Xander smile she knew so well, and she swore that her knees trembled.

Willow was happily babbling away on her other side, her nose peeling and red. Her long red hair was caught in a pony tail and she wore shorts and a tee-shirt emblazoned with a Spanish dancer. The witch clung to Buffy's hand as the Slayer tried to keep up with Willow's questions while dealing with the strange sensations caused by Xander's hand cupping her bare shoulder.

"Luggage?" Xander leaned toward her to ask softly. Her knees definitely trembled this time, she thought, as his breath brushed her ear.

"Two suitcases," Buffy managed. "They're tartan plaid."

Xander raised his eyebrows, reminding her of Giles. She was so glad that Willow had been able to repair his eye magically, especially now that both of them were looking into hers.

"Trust me, you won't confuse them with anyone else's," she said with a laugh. Xander went off in hunt of the cases, leaving Buffy and her shoulder bag with Willow. The witch had stopped talking by now and was looking from one of her friends to the other.

"Buffy?" she began hesitantly. Buffy was watching Xander walk away. His shoulders were clearly broader, filling out his white T-shirt. And his butt tight in black jeans. Oh, my, Buffy thought.

Willow grabbed her arm, turning her toward her. "Were you just checking out Xander?" she asked with a gasp.

"No! No, of course not, I mean," Buffy wound down. She stared at Willow's gleeful face and made a quick whispered confession of her sudden, inexplicable attraction to her old friend. "And Giles thinks it's great. Will, I don't know what to do."

Willow grinned at her, then grinned over her shoulder at the returning Xander.

"Well, **I** know what to do," she said.

Buffy had no chance to quiz Willow. Xander returned with the suitcases and bustled "his two favorite ladies" out to his bright red car.

Willow had been right about Xander's apartment, Buffy thought. It **was** huge, with floor to ceiling windows looking out over Johannesburg. She had her own room, with an actual carved wooden sign hanging on the door that said "Buffy's Room." Willow was next door in the appropriately labeled "Willow's Room." Looking down the hall, she saw that Xander's door had a sign as well.

"How long have you been expecting me to come?" she asked Xander playfully.

He gave her the goofy Xander grin she remembered from high school, leaning toward her. "Only since I got here."

She blushed, and he looked startled.

Once inside her room, unpacking, Buffy gave herself a stern talking to. She was here to see Willow and Xander. To catch up on old times. **Not** to spend her time mooning over anyone, let alone Xander.

"Scoobie safari," he had said. **Not** "romantic getaway."

"If I can happy-face Giles, I can do this," she told herself firmly.

Her resolve lasted three days, as the Scoobies hung around Xander's apartment, took tours of the city and laughed through fancy dinners. Xander had assured Buffy that she could patrol if she wanted, but there were so many Slayers in the area that the vampire population was practically nil. She was surprised when Watchers and occasionally Slayers came to the apartment to consult with Xander. He obviously earned his large apartment and whatever else the Council was paying him. He was running the show down here.

They told each other stories. Some they knew, some they didn't. While Buffy knew that Kennedy was out of the picture, she had never known that Willow and Kennedy broke up because the young Slayer had run off with her new, female Watcher.

And she snorted with laughter through Xander's story of Andrew's stumbling declaration of lust for him.

Late the third night, half tanked on red wine, Buffy told them about the visit by Angel and Spike. How she had not allowed them entry into her home. And how she had sent them away.

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed from her place at the other end of the couch. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"No one knows but Dawn," she said. "Wait, that's wrong. The little tattle-tale told Giles."

"Why did you turn them away?" Xander asked curiously. He was sitting on the floor, back against the couch. He turned his head to look up at her, and she resisted the urge to brush the hair away from his face.

"After Sunnydale, the First, you know, the once again almost end of the world, I decided no more undead boyfriends, evil or otherwise," she said. "And no more boyfriends tanked up on secret government chemical cocktails. And no demons. Normal, humany boys for Buffy from now on!"

She toasted to that and took a huge gulp of her wine.

"And how's that going?" Xander asked. "Dating anyone?"

Buffy tried not to read more into his casual-sounding question than interest in an old friend.

"Was. Have. I have to lie about the Slayer thing, again, still! And they're boring!"

Xander and Willow laughed and the topic had floated away as so many others had in the last three days of their re-bonding. But Buffy felt Xander's eyes on her when she and Willow giggled off to bed. When she looked back, he was staring out the window at the skyline, apparently lost in thought.

The next morning seemed likely to be a repeat of the past three, until Willow's cell phone rang. She disappeared into her bedroom with it and came back several minutes later with a serious face.

"That was the Council. There's an emergency back in England, nothing with Giles, Buffy, don't worry," she said quickly, forestalling Buffy's question. "Magical crisis, nothing Slayery or Watchery."

"Okay," Buffy said slowly. She and Xander looked at each other and shrugged.

"So I have to go. Right now. Just send my luggage on to me at Council headquarters." She threw her arms around Xander, whispered something in his ear that made him stiffen. Then she hugged Buffy. "If you want him, go get him, Buffy," she whispered. Then she stepped into the center of the room and disappeared, giving Buffy the merest wink. Crisis! Buffy fumed to herself. Not likely.

_Thanks to all who have reviewed and commented. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Fifth (and final) chapter will be up shortly._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Buffy and Xander stared at the spot where Willow had stood.

"What the Hell?" Xander burst out. "Where'd she go?"

Buffy was struggling with the same question.

"I have no idea. Was that a teleport? Did she learn to teleport?"

They looked at each other.

"Some Scoobie safari," he grumbled, stomping into his bedroom.

When he came back out of his bedroom, an hour later, Buffy was still sitting in the kitchen looking at her coffee cup. Xander seemed to be in a better mood.

"Buffster, I'm sorry," he said, putting his hand over hers. "We'll have fun alone, just the two of us. Maybe Willow will come back after she solves this problem, whatever it is."

She looked up at him, noticing his clothes for the first time. Sweat shorts and a ratty T-shirt with the faded words "Sunnydale High."

"What are you wearing?" she asked. She had gotten used to his new, more stylish style. He laughed.

"Tell you what, Buffy," he said. "Why don't you put on some workout clothes, and we'll go downstairs to the gym? I had it specially equipped in case a certain Slayer ever came calling."

Buffy jumped to her feet. "That's a great idea." She was in her room in a flash, pulling off her clothes to change. She stood in the middle of her room stark naked, remembering the tingling sensation of his hand on hers and feeling it throughout her body.

A workout was just what she needed. Otherwise, she was going to have to go out tonight and find a vampire to kill. Anything to burn off these frustrating feelings. It had been way too long since she had been with someone.

She and Xander rode the elevator down two floors in silence. It was the middle of a Wednesday. Most people were at work. Xander had a passkey to open the door to the gym, which looked like any other exercise room in any hotel or apartment building anywhere.

"It's very nice," Buffy said uncertainly.

"Ah, but wait." Xander strode over to another door, leading to a storage room, she assumed. Unlocking that door, he ushered Buffy into a room that looked just like the training room Giles had built for her in the rear of the Magic Box.

"How?" she gasped, tears in her eyes

"The Council's name, and the Council's money, go a long way," he told her with a chuckle. She threw her arms around him in an unexpected hug.

"Xander, it's perfect," she said into his chest. "Just perfect."

He kissed her on the top of the head. "Then let's train!"

Buffy strode over to the pommel horse, flipping up into a handstand. History's oldest living active Slayer or not, she thought, she still had it.

Xander was lifting weights, and Buffy understood why he was now so muscular. He had obviously worked hard at it.

"Spar?" she asked him, selecting a blunted stake from the handy weapons rack. She was breathing hard after several minutes on the horse, and her tank top was soaked with sweat.

"I get to be vampire?" he asked, setting the weights back in the stand. His face was sweaty and he lifted the edge of his T-shirt to wipe his forehead, revealing his now-sculpted abs and chest.

"Uhhh…Yeah. You're vampire," she managed to stammer out.

They stepped into the matted area, circling each other. Xander charged her suddenly, but she danced out of his way. They exchanged blows, each attempting charges again. Buffy carefully held back from full Slayer strength.

Unexpectedly, he caught her around the throat with one arm and pulled her back against his chest. Forgetting herself, she flipped him over her, slamming him down on his back and landing on his waist as he attempted to rise. She straddled him, stake against his chest.

"You're dust, buddy," she said. They were both panting for breath. She was leaning over him, almost chest to chest, and she was suddenly aware of the intimacy of their position.Buffy felt his erection against her thigh.

"Oh, shit," he swore. He tried to push her off, but she refused to be dislodged. She dropped the stake and put one hand against his face, then, eyes wide open on his, she kissed him.

The kiss quickly became wild, passionate. Buffy and Xander clung to each other, kissing violently with the lust of the sex-starved.

She wasn't quite sure how they made it to the elevator, let alone to his apartment. But they were there, the door slammed behind them, her legs wrapped around his waist and his hands supporting her under her butt. Then, suddenly, he removed his hands, using them to unwrap her arms from his neck as her feet touched the floor.

"Buffy, no, this isn't right," he managed. His face was contorted as he turned away from her.

She stood shocked. "You don't want me," she said quietly, almost to herself. She shook herself. "Oh my God. How could I do this…." She felt the tears starting and willed them down. "I'll just, I'll go, I can't believe I….Oh my God."

He caught her arm as she headed blindly toward her room, pulling her back to him. "No, Buffy, you don't understand."

"No, no, really, I do understand." She shook off his hand. The tears started rolling down her face and her voice choked. "I'm sorry, Xander. I thought….Never mind. I'll be gone before you know it. Really."

"Buffy, shut up and listen to me!" he shouted. Startled, she turned to him. His face was working.

He took her hand gently in his, pulling her to the couch and sitting down. "Buffy, I do want you. I've **always** wanted you. Even when I was with other people, if you had wanted me, I would have been with you in a second."

He reached out and wiped the tears from her face. "But I don't want you like this, a quick screw on the living room floor. If I'm going to be with you, I want it to be the joining of hearts, and souls, not just bodies. I want to make love to you, and I want to know that it will be the first time of many, many times we make love."

Buffy stared at him. She felt as though she was going to faint.

"What do you want, Buffy?" he asked her softly. "If you don't want that, we'll just be Scoobies again. We'll be friends. Friends who one crazy hot day in Africa almost went too far."

"What did Willow say to you, before she left this morning?" she asked him once she found her voice.

He stiffened, then looked away, back out the window. Then he looked back at her, full into her eyes.

"She said that I had waited too long, and that now was the time to tell you how I truly feel.

"So I'm telling you now.

"I'm in love with you."

_"I'm in love with you."_

The words echoed. She heard the words, had heard them before from others. She had even said them herself to other men. But somehow, this was different. Somehow, this time, she believed it completely, without reservation.

"Giles said you're a good man," she muttered, lowering her eyes from his gaze.

"He did?" asked Xander, surprised.

"When I told him, back in England, that I thought I was having feelings for you. He said you are a good man, and that I deserve a good man."

"He's right about that, you do deserve a good man," Xander said. "But I may not be the man you want."

"Xander, I….I've been so confused, so turned around, the last five years," she began slowly. "England, the Academy, the Council, Dawn, the new Slayers and Watchers. Everyone wanted a little piece of Buffy. Everyone needed a little piece of Buffy. Even Willow and Giles, especially Giles, he's getting worse every day."

She looked up, into Xander's sad eyes. He thought she was rejecting him, she realized frantically.

"I think I've always had a special place in my heart for Xander Harris. And, somehow, it's become the most important place in my heart.

"Xander, I love you, too."

Xander let out the breath he was holding in a big whoosh, making her laugh, then he gathered her into his arms and kissed her, gently this time, then with increasing passion.

"So," she said breathlessly when they finally pulled apart. "Your room or mine?"

Chuckling, he scooped her up in his arms, and carried her down the hall to his room.

"Wait!" Buffy cried. She hopped out of his arms, leaving him confused in the hallway. Yanking the "Buffy's Room" sign off her door, nail and all, she slammed it underneath the sign on Xander's door.

"That's better." She giggled at the expression on Xander's face, took his hand, and led him into their room.

FIN

_Thanks to all for the fantastic reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed it._


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

Buffy shivered in the thin English sunshine and felt Xander's arm tighten around her shoulders. She knew if she turned her head to look, she would see Willow nestled up against Xander's other side, but her eyes were focused on the priest and the green marble urn in front of him. Xander, as always, was protecting and comforting "his girls."

Olivia stood next to the urn on its stand, dry eyed. Buffy could see the stiffness in her back as she tried to control her emotions. Stiff-upper lip and all that, she thought to herself.

The urn was exactly the color of Giles' eyes when he was happy, Buffy thought. She sighed, and Xander's arm tightened again. She looked up at him, seeing the tears rolling down his face, and knew she was no better. He glanced at her, giving her a twisted smile.

Buffy looked back at the priest, listening to the words of the service flowing from his mouth. The last time she had seen him, he had officiated at her wedding.

How proud Giles had been, escorting her up the aisle. The fact that he had to do so in a wheelchair with Willow pushing him didn't diminish the moment at all. He had looked so handsome still, smiling up at her as they proceeded toward Xander, standing motionless and open-mouthed at the altar, Dawn at his side in her peach bridesmaid dress.

When they had reached their destination, she lowered her head to Giles and kissed his cheek and his green eyes sparkled at her, squeezing her hand in its ecru lace glove. He had waved Xander over and without a moment hesitation the younger Watcher came to him. Giles urgently hissed something in his ear and Xander had smiled, his eyes suddenly glistening with tears.

"I promise, Giles," he had said, clasping the older man's shoulder. "I promise."

Xander had never told her what Giles had said. No amount of cajoling – or sexual promises – could get him to tell.

Suddenly, Xander's arm lifted from her shoulder, and she looked up startled, then realized that he was releasing her to take her place at the priest's side. She took the steps forward hesitantly, catching the glances of those standing around the funeral plot. Many were crying, but they were smiling encouragingly at her too. Her husband stood with his arm around Willow, Willow her arm around Dawn.

"Giles was in many ways, the best of us all," Buffy began. She cleared her throat, looked down at the notes clutched in her hand, and gave up on them, stuffing them in her pocket and speaking from the heart.

"Giles was my father, or, in a just world, he would have been. He stepped into the breach left by my father, and then into the space left by my mother, although he was certainly less comfortable in that role." There was a chuckle from the small knot of Watchers and Slayers. "He gave me strength to go on, every single day, whether that strength was information, a hot cup of tea, a new sword technique or one of his famous hugs. We all know what he did for the world, even if the world will never know.

"We all loved Giles," she wiped her eyes almost defiantly as a sob threatened to escape. "We all loved Giles, and Giles loved all of us. He did what he did to keep us safe because of that love. We are less for his loss, but stronger for his love and devotion."

She dropped her head, then raised it, meeting Olivia's eyes as the older woman smiled. "Goodbye, Giles. The world is a little darker today without you in it."

Buffy retreated from the priest and rejoined Xander, only to find herself wrapped in a Scooby hug with Willow and Dawn as well.

Hours later, after the urn had been placed in the ground between the graves of Giles' parents, after the funeral luncheon, after what seemed like endless goodbyes and hugs, Xander and Buffy laid side-by-side in the bed of their hotel room, still fully dressed.

"Xander?" Buffy murmured.

"What's up Buff?" he rolled to his side, looking down on her.

Her eyes still closed, she said in a small voice, "Do you think he was proud of me?"

The "What?" that burst out of her husband made her eyes fly open. "Good God, Buffy, he couldn't have been prouder of you! Don't you know that?"

Buffy's hand crept to her waist, to the swelling there, and she sighed. "I guess I know. I just….I feel like I let him down when I retired."

Xander's larger hand covered her own. "Giles wanted you to retire, honey." She shrugged. "I was supposed to never ever tell you this, but I think Giles would forgive me now," he said.

"At the wedding, he told me to take you away from the Slaying. He said you had seen enough death, that you deserved some joy. You didn't let him down, Buffster. He wanted you to be free."

Buffy's eyes had been growing bigger and bigger during Xander's declaration, and she burst into tears, clutching Xander to her and crying into his dress shirt.

Once she had calmed down and blown her nose several dozen times, they again lay side-by-side. Xander scooted down the bed, putting both hands and his mouth against her belly as she giggled.

"So, baby, what do you think of all this?" he asked, his breath hot through the cloth.

"The baby is too young to think much about anything Xander, you know that."

"Ha! I would argue that any baby you are creating is already thinking deep thoughts."

Buffy giggled.

Xander looked up at her, hair messy. He smiled. "How is little Joyce Anya Faith Summers-Harris?"

"It could still be Giles Robin Summers-Harris, you know," Buffy said, running her hand over his hair, trying vainly to smooth it. Then she jumped. "Did you feel that?"

Xander was already staring in awe at where his hands rested on her abdomen. "Was that the baby?"

Buffy laughed through sudden tears. "That was the baby, Xander. That was our baby."

"Is that you little Giles?" Xander asked her belly, and felt the movement of a response. "Or is it little Joyce?" he said, grinning slyly at her as he felt movement again.

Buffy and Xander looked at each other, smiling.

"I love you, Xander Harris," Buffy said.

"And I love you, Buffy Summers-Harris," he responded, raising one hand to brush her cheek. She rested her face against his palm and sighed.

"Goodbye, Giles," she said again. "We'll make sure to raise your grandchild right."

"Damn right we will!" Xander said, resting his head against her stomach, one large hand still on the spot where he had felt the baby move.

The room slowly darkened and Buffy and Xander fell asleep.

FIN


End file.
